Sunday, September 11, 2011

Looking back...

I wanted to honor today in some way here on my blog. I remembered a post that I wrote 3 years ago. It completely encompasses my heart today and 10 years ago today.

Posted 09/11/08:

Today is September 11th, 2008. 7 years ago I was at home with a 5 week old baby named Joseph. It was a gorgeous Fall morning. Joseph and I had gone for an early morning walk and the world was well. When we returned from our walk, I turned on the t.v. and the images that I saw will be forever etched in my memory. It didn't make sense at first, it was like I couldn't comprehend what was happening.

As my mind is trying to wrap itself around the story that I am watching unfold, I see a second plane hit the World Trade Center. I grabbed Joseph out of his crib, and sat in my rocking chair and rocked. I rocked, and rocked, and rocked. I remember having a hard time breathing for a bit. I called Lem, my mom and my sister. I needed reassurance that we were going to be okay.

My world changed from that moment on. I wanted to take Joseph and run away. Far away from the world that we were living in. I had my first panic attack in that green rocking chair. I thought I was having a heart attack.

I had never felt more protective over my child up until that point in time. Motherhood and all that it encompasses was suddenly staring me in the face, and I felt like a weak kitten.

I prayed for God to give me the strength to get myself up out of that chair and be strong, be strong for this child that He had graced us with just 5 short weeks earlier. He did. He immediately came to my rescue and gave me the peace that I so desperately needed.

After that day, I admit that I struggled. I struggled with panic attacks and depression. September the 11th changed me.

After that day, I never look at an American flag without thinking of it waving at the site of the demolished towers.

After that day, I realized the importance of every second counting, and not taking any of it for granted.

I often think of the women that lost their husbands that day. I say a prayer for them and their families.

But for the grace of God, there go I.

May God bless this great country of ours.

still proud to be an American,


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