Friday, January 22, 2010

Catching my breath....

Just checking in so that you guys don't think that I fell off the planet. I am alive and well. Life is a little busier than usual between working for my Dad twice a week, and all of the other wonderful details of a life with 2 precious kids and a functioning (well, most of the time) family. :)

I am quickly approaching 35, and it seems like life goes by faster and faster with each birthday. My babies are growing up, I am getting older, but life is still great. God is so good, and He is teaching me so much right now. This year has been such a roller coaster ride. With the economy, the devastation's going on worldwide, new government, etc...the only thing that is a constant is the Lord. He is faithful in every area. He is unchanging, and I am so grateful for that.

Things are messy here on Earth. It gets tough, a lot. It's hard to watch friends get sick, relationships crumble, financial depressions, spiritual warfare, and so on and so on. It sometimes makes me want to crawl into a hole and never come out, if I am being honest.

The closer I seem to get to people, the greater the hurt at times. Isn't this true? When we get involved, when we do the right thing, when we get our hands dirty, it HURTS when things don"t go like we planned. We feel like it was all done for nothing. It's a selfish emotion for me. I have to constantly remind myself that it's not all about ME, and how I want everything to be. It's about God's plan, and His growth for me. Discipline and obedience is not the "natural" thing for me. It is hard work, and it is exhausting. Sometimes it seems that the light at the end of the tunnel will never be seen....but then God whispers to me..."I am the Light, look here, look at Me."

I am in a strange place spiritually. Strange in a good way. Strange in that it feels like I am where God wants me to be, but I feel like a small puppy on a leash being pulled by an 18 wheeler. I want to catch up, but I feel like my little legs just can't go the extra mile. Funny thing is, God always scoops me up and carries me in the end. He places me right in the passenger seat of that 18 wheeler and let's me rest for a while. Then, it's back to the "training", behind the massive truck. My legs going as fast as they can and I seem to be only running in place.

My greatest plea to the Lord is: "I want to be used! Use me, Lord!". I know He must tire of hearing it. The irony is that when we are being used, we usually don't realize it until we are down the road and look back. It is then that we go..."A-Ha!" That was IT, He was using me. I just was so deep in the forest that I couldn't see the trees.

So, for anyone reading this that feels the same way...if you feel like a puppy dog chasing it's tail, or being pulled by an 18 wheeler, this is for you..."Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
The picture of the dog above is exactly how I feel when I am emotionally, spiritually, and physically drained. Can you relate?

Just saying those words gives my spirit rest. Thank you God. Your word is living and active and sharper than a double edged sword. Pierce our hearts with it, Father.

still in training,