Thursday, September 30, 2010

Love me anyway....

Happy Fall, Y'all! This weather just makes me so happy! My babies got out half a day this past Tuesday and it was so wonderful being with them and enjoying God's beautiful creation with them. On days like that, I really feel that tug to home school. However, for now, that is not the plan. I have struggled most of this year with wanting to home school. Lem quickly dampens any notion of the idea. :) I know he is right for the most part, but a momma can dream, can't she?

In other news...I just think that God is AWESOME! I can't even begin to tell you how He is working in this cold stone heart of mine. He sees potential, and I think He is dead set on seeing it come into fruition. My stubborn flesh has a hard time obliging at times.

Like the post before this one, I have had similar "people" struggles. I just keep telling myself that God loves me and He wants me refined. I imagined myself being a dull pencil and being forced into a pencil sharpener by a big strong hand. Grinding, twisting, turning...until finally I am sharpened. Nobody wants a dull pencil, right? So, let the sharpening continue. I always did admire good penmanship.

The verse in the Bible about "loving the unlovable" and "even pagans love the ones that are easy to love" keeps coming up in my heart. The irony of this is that I know that I am the unlovable most of the time. I am thankful for people that love me anyway, despite my unlovable qualities.

Last night at church, the preacher spoke on consistency in our walk with Him. He talked about how important it is to be a light, at all times. Not just around certain people, or certain friends. ALWAYS be consistent in our integrity, love, forgiveness, words, and actions. Ouch. This one touched a nerve in my soul.

Can I honestly say that I am consistent in this way?? No. But, by God's grace, I will be more aware of it and really, really prayerfully strive for this. I am a huge believer in changing...constant changing of myself. I don't like getting stuck in neutral just spinning my wheels. This bores me tears. I like action, I like movement, I like moving forward. Even when I fall 10 steps backwards..I am then ready to front handspring 20 steps forwards.

Hope is what keeps me going. I hope for more out of my life. I seek more. Let me give more, be more, strive for excellence in everything I do. I will never, ever be perfect, and the farthest from it. However, I want to strive daily for excellent character. I will fail, many times. However, I know that He will love me anyway.

forever hopeful,