It's me again.
I am starting to get this.
You have been showing me the word "Hope" for a while. For the last several months, it has been on every single thing I see. I told several people that you were bombarding me with this word. Day in, day out...hope, hope, hope.
I knew you were teaching me to trust in You and to not lose my Hope. Why, though? I was hopeful! Couldn't you see that?
I didn't quite understand why you kept beating this word into my head ...until today.
I remember telling one of my friends..."I DO have Hope...I have a LOT of Hope. Why does He keep reminding me of this??" I just didn't quite understand why You kept reminding me of something that I already had.
This weekend uncovered a whole lot of stuff about some things in my life. A lot of it was painful. Somehow, it felt better being in the dark and more comfortable there. A big fat lie that I believed...for way too long. Satan loves things in the dark. He loves when we hide and shelter ourselves from Truth and from You. I believed his stupid lie.
I believe that lie no more. Your word tells us to bring things to the Light. Healing is in the Light. Restoration is in the Light. You are the Light.
Oh, Father, I don't know what will transpire in this situation now. I do trust You, but I also am scared. I am scared that things may not be restored. To be completely honest...I was a lot more comfortable in the dark.
So today is the day that I felt the need for Your Hope. My head was spinning, my mind was racing with the possibility that things may not ever get better. My life may not ever be like it "was".
I was driving in my little black car this afternoon and I began to hear You tell me...
"Hope, Jill. Put your Hope in Me. You're right...you can't fix this. You can't make this better. But...you can Hope and you can take rest in Me. I am enough for you right now. I am enough."
Oh my. I am still scared, God. My stomach has a knot the size of Texas in it. I am just so unsure of the future. Will things ever be the same with this situation? It sure seems hopeless.
But I refuse to believe that lie again.
You are my Hope.
I will say it until it sinks to the deepest crevices of my hurting heart.
My Hope is in You. My Hope is in You. My Hope is in You. My Hope is in You. My Hope is in You.
My sweet, sweet friend reminded me today that it only takes faith the size of a mustard seed for you to move mountains. Well, my faith is at least the size of a lima bean.
Move them, Father. Move them and show your Glory in this. My Hope is in You alone.
I'm bringing you my lima bean and laying it at your feet. Do your thing, Lord.
hopelessly devoted to you,