Friday, August 26, 2011

The "F" word....


My children are not aloud to say this word out loud. If they do by some chance, I make them repeat this verse after me: "Perfect love drives out fear". 1 John 4:18.

Why is it so easy to tell my children not to fear, but I struggle tremendously with this? Why do I let Satan get a foot-hold on me regarding this word?

My day can be going along just peachy, and then a thought comes into my head.

Fear sets in.

Just yesterday, I was driving the kids home from school. Presley out of the blue says this to me: "Mommy, there is only one problem with Heaven. What if I get there before you do? What will I do??"

 My chest tightened and my heart started racing. I rolled down the window for some (hot) air. I could not breathe.

Thoughts of my children being taken from me or harmed in some way consumed my head. Why did she say this?

I immediately told her-probably for my own assurance more than hers- that she was very young and had a long life to live. I told her I would die before her and be waiting for her in Heaven at the front gate.

Then she says: "But, then I have to be here on Earth without you."

Oh boy. This was one of those times when you change the subject and re-direct her 6 year old little mind.

After she had long forgotten her thought-provoking question, the fear starts running through my veins.

I didn't want Presley to know how much fear that her question invoked in me, so I turned up the radio loud.

I then started saying out loud, "Get thee behind me Satan. I serve the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. I have nothing to fear in this life. Jesus' perfect love drives out all fear. I serve the Holy of Holies!"

(yes, I am that lady in the carpool line...who talks to herself.)

I said it countless times until Peace came. Oh, and it came.

As I was tucking the kids in last night, I crawled into bed with my son. I wanted to be right next to him. To protect him from harm. Presley had fallen asleep on the couch with Lem already.

My son was on the verge of sleeping when I felt the tightness in my chest again.

Oh, Lord take this fear from me. This is no way to live. You came so that we could have peace and abundance...not fear.

I finally fell asleep.

I woke up again about 1:45 with the same fearful thoughts.

The last thing I remember was praising His name and telling Him how much I trust Him and love Him.

I called my sister early this morning and told her what I was struggling with. She told me that worrying would never change one thing in my life. What's the point?? She so calmly told me. Where's your faith, Jill?

I love my sister.  She is such a realist. I draw strength from her. She is as steady as a rock.

She's steady Eddie, and I'm Un-stable Mabel.

After our conversation, my heart lightened. I felt God's peace wash over me like a soft Spring rain.

He is restoring this part of my heart. I know I will still struggle at times, but I know that restoration is in progress.

I am reminded of Presley and some fearful things and thoughts that she has mentioned to me. She fears being kidnapped, she fears something happening to me and Lem, she fears her grandparents dying. The list goes on.

I keep hearing God saying to me, "Beloved, you must show her peace. She sees your fear with your over-protective ways. You want her to Trust in Me. Don't let her think you are her protector. Make sure she knows that I am her Protector. You must overcome this. My peace I leave to you. Let her see this in your life, Jill."

Oh gosh. Okay. It's hard, Lord. So hard.

I lay this at your feet, sweet Father in heaven.

No, I am not laying it at your feet, I am throwing it at your feet like a hot potato.

What do you fear?

Maybe you are living your worst fear as I write this.

 Oh, friend. Run to Him. Don't look back.

He is waiting, arms stretched wide.

Or maybe it's not fear. Maybe it's another stronghold that Satan loves to get you with to make you doubt your faith in the Father.

Whatever it is. Give it to Him. The Healer and Protector.

Listen to Jesus whispering this in your ear.. He said this for you:

"My peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27.

I can't have an abundant life with fear. It's against the Word of God.

I choose peace.

slowly but surely,


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