A Beautiful Mess.....

I'm starting to see how loving like Jesus can be real messy sometimes. Like big time.

I used to think that loving like Jesus and asking God to give me eyes like Jesus would make things oh so neat and pretty.

Oh, on the contrary.

That's worth repeating: Oh, on the contrary.

Many may disagree with me, and I am so ok with that.

Loving like Jesus and really trying to be the hands and feet of Jesus--is pure Joy, and Happiness, and Abundance, and Blessing! {or so many will say}

I do not disagree that it certainly brings those things.

However, truly letting Him open our eyes to the hurting, the suffering, the lost, the lonely, the mother-less, the father-less...

Oh sweet Jesus, it's almost too much to bear.

We have the absolute pleasure of keeping two foster children in our home this weekend.

They are angels.

But, it is hard.

They are not hard. The situation is hard.

I just finished tucking them in, knowing that this may be their last stay with us.

They may be adopted soon.

Which is wonderful news.

But, I ache for them.

I ache for them to have to start all over again after being in a foster family for over 2 years now.

I ache for their future.

I ache for.....my loss. Of possibly not seeing them again...ever, after they are adopted.

Lem and I have grown attached to these little love muffins.

They are the two children God sent our way 2 years ago while vacationing in St. Simons.

Our good friends were fostering them and we fell in love with these two darlings.

They are the reason that we went through foster training.

They are the reasons that my heart is aching.

It's so messy. This loving thing.

It's never easy, or simple, or pretty and neat.

I often wonder why I am so attached to the...for lack of a better word--unlovables in this world.

I think I have found the answer.

I can relate to them.

I can relate to their desire to be loved. To be wanted. To be pursued.

Can't we all?

My friend Mary was asking me today how it was going having the extra kids in the house this week.

I smiled and honestly said that it was so natural. Yes, it was harder, but it just felt right.

Isn't that just perfectly God? To make something so hard, so tiring, so sad....to make it feel just right.

Life is messy.

It is.

However, God uses those messes to bring beauty. Beyond the world's brand of beauty.

Godly beauty.

Heavenly purpose. 

Let me encourage you. If you are facing something hard, there's beauty to be found there.

There's purpose beyond your understanding.

Rest in the mess.

"Jesus never said it would be easy, but He said it would be worth it"

 Matthew 7:13-14

neat is over-rated,

jill

Do what you love.....

I love to write.

It's just in my blood.

If I have some extra minutes {like right this second}, I sit down, inhale, let out a big exhale, and write.

It's taken a long time for me to get back into the habit of doing what I love to do the most.

Probably because for a long time,  I was in denial of my passion for writing. It was something I did when I needed to let off some steam, relax, or heal from a wound.

I think my maternal grandmother was a writer. My momma has shown me some letters and notes that she penned in her beautiful form.

My momma is a writer as well. Her cards and notes convey the sweetest portion of her heart. Every single word is a glimpse of that heart.

I was just telling the Lord yesterday how thankful I am to live in this day and age. I thanked Him for choosing this period of time for me.

 I'm glad I live in a day and an age where I can type. It's cleaner. Neater. No white-out required.

My hearts desire is to write a bible study or devotional. It has been for a long, long time.

SHINE is the closest thing I have to fulfilling this dream for now.

I have so many thoughts that I think: "I need to jot this down. I need to remember this."

You know, those God moments where He is teaching and revealing and you can barely absorb the awesomeness of it all. Yes, those moments.

For now, I will just keep blogging my little heart away.

If you are reading this, I encourage you to do what you love. Do it as often as time allows.

God has given us these desires and these gifts for His purposes and plans. When in use, they set into motion the perfect harmony of His orchestra.

I imagine Him smiling every time I sit down to write. Giving back to Him what He has so generously given to me.

Are you fulfilling your hearts desires?  If not, what's stopping you?

sharpening my pencil--er, i mean charging my laptop,

jill

I'm good with the small.....

When I was a little girl and day-dreamed after day-dreamed of being a Mommy, I never realized just how hard it would be.

I envisioned aprons, flour on the countertops, pigtails, braids, baseball caps, clean smelling kid laundry, and all the fine things that come with being a Mommy.

Never did it cross my mind the emotional ties that children would have on your tender little heart.

I really don't know how people parent without calling on Jesus day in and day out. I really, really don't.

As much as my marriage has caused me to seek Him more, my children are what bring me to my knees to Him.

Perhaps it is because i feel so responsible for them. It's a huge thing. Huge.

I know that God is control of their little lives, but I have a big role in their lives too.

I must teach them. I must pray for them. I must pray with them. I must show them how to live, by how I live my life. Whew.

I take this job very seriously.

When I say "I", I mean "we". Lem and I.

I used to be very concerned about what my purpose was in life.

I would ask the Lord, day in and day out.  Day in, day out. Day in, day out.

Now, it's crystal clear.

My purpose is being Lem's wife and Joseph and Presley's Momma.

It's never been more clear.

As much as I love SHINE, and the ministry that comes with it--it's just a cherry on top to my real purpose in life.

My desires have absolutely changed. In just this past year.

I used to want to change the world.

Now, I just want to be the change for my children to see. My children are the ones that will be most affected by my life and my ministry.

My ministry in my home is the number one thing.

I can say that without hesitation.

My heart is content with small. Small things and small people. :)

It's funny how we look for our purpose in life, all the while, it is right under our little noses.

Sometimes the smallest things are the hardest to see.

We search high and low, and lo and behold, it is eye to eye and face to face, and cheek to cheek.

cherishing my {not so small} purpose,

jill

Sunday Sunday....

Hi! It's Sunday. We are in the mountains with family.

It is glorious.

Nothing to do.

No laundry.

No cooking. (Mama Jane handles all of that)

Kids playing.

Adults eating.

And eating.

And sleeping.

And eating some more.

Lem has agreed to take me into town to look around.

I'm a little giddy to have some QT with my man. It's been too long.

I love this time with my family. I am cherishing it. Every second.

Hope you are enjoying your day too.

Okay, gotta go. Falcons play at 3:00.

Gotta be on the couch by 2:30. Or so Lem tells me.

Rising up!

[Not really. I'm really lying in a comfy chair. Hee hee. :) ]

Happy Sunday!

Girl Talk.....

Let's talk some girly talk, shall we?

I love beauty products, I do. Some people spend money on purses, jewelry, home decor, etc. I spend my money on products. 

My friend Lisa and I just had this conversation about what we like, and what floats our little girlish boats. 

If I could spend a whole day in any store it would be Sephora. Or Ulta. I'll take either one. See, I'm not picky or high maintenance. 

Something about the idea of transformation {via beauty products} inspires me! 

I've tried most products. I have come to the age where I pretty much know what I like and what I don't. HOWEVER, I discover new products on a weekly basis. Seriously.

My sister and I will find ourselves in hours of conversation about new products we have discovered. Oh yeah. It's true.

I love talking to my girlfriends about what they like and what they use and LOVE! 

So, I have made a small list of my favorite things right now. 

Let me know some of your faves. Share the good stuff, will ya? 

gets the frizzy frizz out of my hair.
LOVE this stuff!
plus it's sulfate-free.
if your hair is really oily...
don't try this stuff. 

my friend, Danielle, recommended this mascara.
it's a HIT.
thanks, Danielle!

long time winner of best eye make up remover.
there is no other choice, people.
this is IT! :)

Okay, perfume smells different on different people. I get that.
BUT, this is good stuff. It's my fave.
I get it every year for Christmas.
With the exception of this year?
Hello, Lem?
So, any close relatives reading this...
you know what I want for my closely approaching birthday.
(this is a gift set. under 50 bucks.)
i'm worth it, right?

Friends, Family, and the Flu.....

What a memorable Christmas this has been.

Sick the week before Christmas. Not just sick, but flu sick. Gross.

Just when I start feeling better, Lem gets a stomach bug on Christmas Eve. Double gross.

As I look back, fully healthy now, I see a small purpose in it all.

I see how God used that time to slow me down. To hear His voice. To have compassion for the sick. (Like, big time.)

He saw me going 500 million miles per hour and He wanted to slow me down a bit. Show me some of His goodness.

He showed me a husband who is loving.

Children who are healthy.

Friends who bring chicken soup and butternut squash soup. And lots of love.

Sisters  who arrange for my kids to be picked up from my house and be swept away for a fun day so that I could lay here and be miserable on my own. Truly she worked a miracle. Still not sure how she arranged all that, but she did.

Momma's who go to their granddaughters school Christmas party because her baby girl was crying and sick in the bed. I will never be able to thank my Momma enough for this act of sweetness. It was so hard for me to NOT be at her Christmas party on the last day of school. SO HARD.

However, I have such peace because my precious Momma was able to fill in that gap for me. Oh, and Presley enjoyed every second with her. Perhaps, even preferred her Maw Maw to be there. I am so okay with that. :)

I was also able to spend some one on one time with my Joseph. He was sick as well, not with the flu, thank goodness. We watched movies, talked, laughed, and laughed some more. All in between our moanings and groanings.

I'm so grateful for good health. Lord knows I have a new perspective on a healthy body after the last few weeks.

I'm so grateful for my friends and family.

I'm so grateful that although our Christmas was a little different this year, it was all about Christ. His Love, His Mercy, His Grace. That was the focus this year. More than any other year before.

I have a new appreciation for things.

For that, the flu was worth it.

getting that flu shot next year,

jill

Out with the old, in with the new.....

Happy New Year Friends and Family!

May this year be FULL and OVERFLOWING

with God's BEST in your lives!

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; 

the old has gone, the new has come!” 

(2 Corinthians 5:17

a glimpse of our party animal selves. ;)

Kitchen talk......

I was just sitting on the couch poring through my Better Homes and Gardens cook book.

It's a huge pink, special edition, cook book that my Momma gave me a few years ago. It's hardly been touched. Not because it's not a great book, but because I have dozens of other books on the same shelf with it that get picked up because I am a little more familiar with the recipes.

A little unknown fact about me: I love reading cookbooks. Love.

The more pictures the better. I hate reading a recipe that doesn't have a picture attached. I have to have a visual so that I know what the dish will look like.You know? Say yes. :)

This post all stemmed from me trying to make some Russian tea cakes this afternoon. I was in the mood to cook or bake. So, baking it was since I had the ingredients for this yummy treat. When I say yummy, I mean YUMMY.

My neighbor, Kelly, makes them every Christmas. She gives me a big plate full of them because she knows they are my favorite! These little devils are the reason my pants won't button come January 2nd. Seriously.

Anyway, I decided to make them on my own. I was craving some comfort food.

Not sure what happened, but they ended up falling apart. Completely. Every last little ball of them.

I remember Kelly's famous last words when I asked her if they were easy to make: "Jill, you could make these blindfolded."

Ha.

Wrong.

As I looked at the little crumbled cookies in the pound of powdered sugar they were supposed to be rolled in, I felt a wee bit sorry for myself.

I thought: "Seriously, Jill? Can you do anything right?"

Not kidding. I had these thoughts.

My mind was spinning at all of the things that I did not excel in. The enemy was having a hay day with me.

Actually, I give him no credit. My flesh was having a hay day with my mind. Yep, that's it.

After sweeping up the crumbs and powdered sugar, I sat down with my cookbook. The one mentioned above.

I'll try another recipe tomorrow was my exact thought. I will make something really new and yummy. I will. I will. I will.

I was determined to make something good to make up for the failed Russian tea cakes. I never liked Russia anyway. Too.darn.cold.

This same time one year ago, I heard the Lord calling me to draw closer to Him in His Word. I could literally feel Him pursuing me like never before.

It was then and there that SHINE began. It all began with His pursuing, my reacting, and His faithfulness.

Funny how a year can change you.

I've been sifted and molded and sifted some more this past year.

All in His timing of course.

My heart is in a new place as the old year ends and a new year begins.

Last year it was an anticipation, a longing.

This year, it is more of a settled peace. A Holy Contentment. Not contentment in the fact that I am where I need to be in my faith journey...because I have such a long way to go. Like, millions of miles.

More like a contentment with who I am, where I am on this journey, and who He created me to be.

Just like my baking disaster from today, I know that perfection is not an option. It never will be.

However, when I do fail--like with the tea cakes--I will get back up, sweep the floor, and try again.

With each failure, I will learn something new. I will be more equipped for the next journey.

I am learning that it really is a day by day journey with Him. If I try to skip ahead a few pages, it never works out. He wants every moment to be accounted for.

He uses each second as a teaching opportunity. To grow me in the areas that are too tiny for me to even see. He wants every crevice filled. Every last one of them.



looking for a new recipe,

jill

Lessons learned in 2012....

A few things I have learned this year in 2012:

• less really is more.
• life really isn't about me. and it never was.
• humble people are rare. 
• but, when you find them, you know it and your life is changed.
• people want notoriety and they want to be noticed.
• rare is the person that chooses to stand in the background and push others forward to shine bright.
• i have a few of these people in my life and they are true jewels.
• friendship is about quality, not quantity. this has been a long, hard lesson for me. 
• i am not the girl that i used to be. and that's okay.
• i am much more comfortable in my own skin than i was even a year ago.
• it's okay if others are not comfortable with who i am. (this is huge for me)
• i cannot make everyone happy. this one is worth repeating.
• my job is is to live out God's plan for me, not what other people expect from me. 
• your true friends will love you even on your off days. they will even love you more.
• my family knows me best. and i love that.
• it is rare to find someone that gives without wanting recognition. but they are out there. i have recently met a few. 
• i am not as hard on myself as i used to be. 
• i want to make others feel better after spending time with me, not worse.
• i am learning to be interested in others, instead of trying to be interesting to others. 
• i prefer myself blonde. although, i like experimenting with color. i always go back to blonde.
• it's fun to take extra time to look a little better when going out in public. i used to think it made me seem selfish. 
• of course, i am also learning to be fine when i don't look the greatest. 
• it's okay if my house is not immaculate. we do live here. 
• i am learning to cherish the little moments. and not be distracted by my phone, the computer, etc. 
• my children are always watching me....always. what am i doing that they will pick up on?
• if i don't teach my kids about God, who will?
• the things that seem hard to me now, i will miss one day. i know this.
• i need God every single day.
• i am okay with Him being a crutch for me. i cannot face day to day decisions without Him.
• i believe He made me like I am, so i would depend on Him more. seriously.
• lem likes when i help him. he is a side by side partner. it makes him happy when we are working together.
• i like encouragement from him. i recently told him that was really all i needed from him. just tell me i am doing a good job. :)
• i trust Lem more than ever. i respect his decisions.
• i have learned to not go against him because i will always regret it.
• many people do not understand this. they think it's weak. little do they know it takes more strength to do this than to go against our men. 
• lem and i are very different, and it is a good thing.
• God honors obedience to our husbands. every single time.
• if i could tell wives one thing, it would be to respect and honor your hubby. period.
• i get tired sometimes and want to hide away with my family for awhile.
• then, i am ready to emerge and be social again.
• i think it's normal to be this way. at least normal for me right now.
• lem is much more social than i am, and i am learning to appreciate that about him.
• i love people, but love being with just my 3 the most.
• i have a thing about traditions. but i am learning to be okay if they don't always pan out.
• my children are growing and changing. i am starting to embrace this instead of holding onto the past.
• i am okay with my kids not being happy with decisions that lem and i have to make that are best for them.
• it used to kill me when they were unhappy. now i know if it's best for them, then it's best for them. 
• happiness does not always equal what's best for them.
• i am learning to be wiser with my time. it's something that i can never get back.
• i am learning that some things can wait, and some things just cannot.
• i am learning that it is okay to not be able to go to every function. this year has been a year of me missing out on a lot of things with my friends.
• this used to be hard for me. but, now i see that it is the Lord wanting me to be okay whatever and wherever He has called me to be.
• my mission at home is the most important thing in my life.
• if He calls me outside of my home, then it is only because my home is stable and i am ready to be used  in another area.
• sometimes we get this backwards. we want to minister to the world, and all the while our hubbies, and children get neglected.
• i often ask lem: how am i doing? can i do anything to improve being a wife to you or a momma to our children? 
• if Lem is feeling happy and cared for, i feel good and i feel i am right where i need to be.
• i am starting to see that God calls us to the little things because they mean the most to Him. big things are good too, but we must get the little things down pat first.
• He trains us in ways that we don't even realize to make sure we are ready for what He has next for us.
• obedience to God is the key to life.
• nothing brings His blessings and His peace like obedience.

I think I will stop here. Presley is beckoning me to watch her dance upstairs. :)

Merry Christmas....

From our family to yours....