Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Better days....

Since my handwriting has gotten so sloppy these days, I will type this. I would normally put this in Joseph's book, however this is becoming my children's book. :)

So, last night, I climbed into bed with my Joseph. Presley was snuggled up next to him. She had fallen asleep in his room. *sigh*

We began talking (Joseph and Me) and just started giggling about some stuff that we think is funny. (Gorilla Munch--that's all I'm sayin'. Joseph will know what this means) :-)

He then tells me that he is a little nervous about middle school. (my stomach sinks)

I try to put on my brave momma face, but I fail. My eyes well up with tears as I try to tell him that he will LOVE being in middle school. ( i force a smile while telling him this.)

He sees right through the momma-trying-to-be-brave facade.

His eyes well up with tears, and before we know it we are one big puddle of tears on his bed.

If that isn't sad enough...he says this: "Mommy, I will only have 6 more years of school before i will leave this house and go to college.

I quickly start doing the math. (okay, i must pause and cry some more.)

He says he doesn't ever want to leave this house. I asked him why and this is what he did:

He pointed at me, Daddy (who was in the den) and Presley who was lying next to him. He couldn't even get the words out of his mouth, so he had to point. We were the reasons that he didn't ever want to leave.

Oh, I lost it. (but, you know that already.)

He told me that these were the best years of his life.

I wanted so badly to tell him that he could live with us forever and ever. But, I didn't.

Somewhere from deep, like way deep down inside, these words came out of my mouth:

"Joseph, I know it seems like these are the best years of your life, but they aren't. I am 37 years old, and THESE are the BEST years of MY LIFE. As much as you love us Joseph, you will love your wife and your children with a different kind of love. Those will be the best years of your life. And that it is a very long time away. So, enjoy this time, Joseph. But know, that even better times are coming."

Okay, full on crying at this point.

I am telling you, it was not ME that said those words. It was the Holy Spirit speaking through me.

I am a selfish momma. I only want my kids to love ME the MOST. I want them to be with me the MOST.

However, I know that I MUST want what is best for them.

Which is being able to let go one day and move on to where God wants them to be.

He wants the same for me and you.

We just have to trust Him, and enjoy every season we are in.

I told Joseph that life only gets better.

I believe that.

I really do.

wiping my tears and cherishing each second,



Raul Rodriguez said...

Thank you for sharing, Jill. Couldn't help but think of our little ones. These truly are the best years of my life.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Jill, I am crying my beady eyes out, after all I am his Maw Maw, he as you own my heart along with Angie and the rest of the family. Boo Who, but you did so good, grateful the Holy Spirit is never sleeping, eating, texting, computer, etc. The Lord is gracious, kind, comforting during all our seasons baby. Loving you all forever, p.s. you can come back home now and go to your room....ha ha but really you can.

Anonymous said...

Well I am a wreck and have been for the past 2 weeks. The little boy that sleeps down the hall from me has become a man that will be graduating next week. I remember like yesterday that feeling of not wanting to drive Blake to middle school, then high school. Cherish every moment!!