Yesterday was one of those days for me.
I have struggled in the past (very recent past) with approval from others. I like approval. Pure and simple.
It is not a good thing though. Here's why: I get way too wrapped up in what others may think about me, instead of what the Lord thinks about me. *not good*
Sometimes I wonder, no not sometimes, but a lot of the time: How do other women do ALL that they do and still manage to do it all so well? (or appear to anyway)
I have trouble juggling more than 2 things at once. For real, I do.
So, when I read blogs, websites, magazines etc, etc....I get a little insecure. Like, man, I suck.
I know that I should not compare myself with others, but it is hard sometimes. I am really working on this. Really working.
So, back to yesterday.
Something happened and it bothered me. Really badly.
I was distracted, I was upset, I was pity-party all over the place.
I called a friend and told her.
She told me that I needed to put away the world and just be in "my world" for a while. In other words, I was searching so hard for the approval from someone else, that it was throwing me off track with the only track I needed to be on in that moment.
She was totally right.
I have been convicted of this before, and it was a big eye opener. Some days, however, it sneaks up on me again.
The approval thing.
Here is what I am learning: it doesn't matter what people think of me. It doesn't.
If Lem, Joseph, and Presley are all being taken care of, loved on, played with, etc...then I am doing a good, good thing.
If I never take another picture for my kids scrap books, post another blog post, have a spotless house, look like Jennifer Aniston, have a glamorous job, or get the approval of the outside world....I'm good with that.
I can say that with complete confidence today. In fact, I will say it again, just to get the point across...
"I am good with that."
I wonder sometimes if all of these women that I look up to (some I do not even personally know)--what their home life is like?
Are their kids feeling important and loved? Are their husbands being put first? Are they really snappy with their kids because they are trying to finish the perfect pinterest craft or recipe? Are they so engrossed in their blogging or online world that they miss what is going on at that very moment around them? Or maybe their jobs are so important that they cannot be bothered with the needs of their children at that moment? (as they throw them off to the nearest relative or babysitter)
If we are too busy to be the best momma and wife that we can be...then we are too busy. Period.
I can say all of this, because I have been that girl.
It is not a good place to be.
I have had to set times when I get on here to blog. It is such a pleasure for me to sit down and write, but I make sure that I am not secluding myself from my family in order to catalog our memories. That would be kind of ironic, I think.
As I am learning to embrace true "living in the moment", it has freed me from the slippery slope of being caught up in a make-believe life. A life that consists of things that hold no eternal value. If I am trying to inspire others at the cost of neglecting my family---is that a good thing? I think not.
Would Presley and Joseph rather me write a cute story about them to (maybe) read one day? Or would they rather me log off, go outside and play a game of tag with them.
I think I know the answer to that.
So, I lovingly encourage all of my mommy friends--let's tune out for a while and tune in to our little world inside of our home. The seeds that we are planting here, are much more eternal.
Let's ask the Lord to show us where we are out of balance. Is it in our jobs? Our friendships? Our church work? Our volunteering? Our social websites? Our constant pursuit of a perfectly polished home?
Our families deserve better.
We deserve better.
Let's seek the Lord and His approval above all else. Deal?
embracing my imperfections--all one million of them,