I posted this on the SHINE blog today. I wanted to share it on my blog as well, because it is personal. I want to remember this and want to be able to look back on this and remember:
As I got up this morning to read 1 Samuel 13, I have to be honest..I wasn't really feeling it. I could tell as soon as I poured my hot coffee that I wanted to go through the motions a little today.
I wanted to just kind of stay numb and in my own thoughts. I wanted to process some heavy things going on right now around me. I wanted to just wrap my brain around those things and figure them out.
As I type this, my eyes are blood-shot, and tear stains are on my cheeks.
Reading 1 Samuel 13 was really the last thing I wanted to do as I sat down in my little chair in the den at 5:00 am. I just wanted to melt and go away for a little while.
You see, I love getting up early because it helps me to focus and get my day right with the Lord.
However, this morning, I just wanted to sit and cry and try to figure out what I can do to help my loved ones figure out the mess of things that have unfolded. Ugh. Heart broken.
In fact, I found a few quiet minutes yesterday and had already prepared something for today's blog post. I was prepared to send it early this morning.
Change of plans.
Why the change of heart?
I read 1 Samuel 13.
Actually, I had thought about doing my reading later today...I needed to just sit in this chair, drink my coffee and figure things out.
However, I remember telling you all from the first email to read the reading before you do anything else.
I heard my own voice echoing in my head, so I didn't want to be a hypocrite in that respect.
As I looked around for my Bible, I realized that I had left it in the car. Shoot.
I like reading my Bible...my very own.
This day was already starting out not good.
I found my husbands bible and sat down to read.
I'm so glad I did.
In these passages, Saul gets impatient and decides to go ahead with his plan instead of following God's plan. He makes a move too early, and offers the burnt sacrifices before the Lord had appointed Him to.
He was supposed to wait for Samuel to get there before doing this. Saul became impatient and took matters into his own hands.
From that point on, He lost God's favor.
Oh, girls! This is HUGE to me!
How many times, have I taken matters into my own hands because I didn't want to wait any longer? I wanted to rush to the outcome that I so desperately wanted...only to find that it led to disappointment.
What is God telling us in 1 Samuel 13?
Keep TRUSTING Him and stay OBEDIENT to Him, even when things seems bleak and hopeless.
Oh, man...could God make it any clearer to me this morning?
Here I was trying to figure out how to make things better and tweak the seemingly inevitable outcomes of things around me.
However, God is telling me..."wait on me, Jill. Wait on me. Trust in me. Despite the looming clouds and the thunder and lightning...wait on me. Trust me."
Not sure about you girls, but I don't want to be like Saul. I don't EVER want to lose God's favor because I lacked the faith in Him to carry me through.
I want to be the one that trusts Him, no matter. No matter what.
What storms are raging around you that you are doing everything in your power to control?
Are you truly trusting and waiting on the Lord through faith and obedience?
Or, are you like Saul (and myself)..and have decided to take matters in your own hands and hoping God will think your idea is a better one.
Oh, girls....let's not miss this.
Let's learn from Saul. Let's learn from his mistakes.
Stay on course, girls. Let's quit taking matters into our own hands because we are impatient.
Let's trust Him. No matter what.
"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26
re-setting my compass,