I had truly forgotten how much i enjoy writing and journaling, until i started this blog. As meager as this blog is, I have come to look forward to finding a few seconds to write. It is funny how once you become a mother, especially a mother of 2, you forget what you liked doing pre-motherhood. Anyone relate? Having a journal forces me to sit, relax and take a load off....(although, since i have been writing for a mere 3 minutes, i have already gotten up twice to check on presley as she is resting!!) Writing helps me to reflect for a few moments instead of constantly staying in 5th gear zooming through my day. My mother always tells me to enjoy each second of this time because it flies by. I am starting to believe her, and see that truth constantly. Every time i see a picture of my children as babies, i tear up and think..."did i cherish every second of that time? or did i try to rush them getting bigger so that it would be easier?" I know at times i wanted time to go faster, but how i miss those days of holding my sweet babies in my arms as they slept. I LOVE the neediness they had for me. What a silly thing, but i miss that complete dependence they had on me.
As long as i can remember, i have LOVED babies and my only dream was to be a stay at home mom. I remember getting off of the bus and seeing other children being pulled into their driveways by their parents. I so vividly remember thinking to myself...how i want to be that kind of mom! My parents were the best parents in the world. They gave us everything they had and then some. Unfortunately that meant both parents working. It was the only way they could make ends meet at the time, and I admire mom greatly for that sacrifice. All moms, whether working or stay at home moms, are admirable in my eyes. I know personally the sacrifice it takes to be a working mom and a stay at home mom. They are both equally challenging, yet unbelievably rewarding in their own right.
I often wonder if there is more that i could be doing in this world, more i could be accomplishing. Yet, every time i question this and doubt my abilities, i hear a still small voice telling me that i am living my dream, the dreams i held on to so dearly as i rode the bus home from school. Then I smile and thank the Lord for his blessings. This is the role that He has chosen for me now, in this moment. I am forever grateful for the opportunity to be a wife to a Godly, wonderful man and a mother to my two angels sent straight from heavens playpen.
The picture above is one of their first pictures together, as it was taken just a couple of days after she came home from the hospital. I guess this is how they will always be in my eyes...even when i am laid up in a nursing home somewhere...this is the memory that i will carry of them.
I love you, Joseph and Presley.