And I thought I loved you then....

Today marks 11 years of marriage for me and my beau. Wow. It sounds so strange and old to say out loud. When people ask me how long we have been married and I say " Eleven years", they assume that we must be in our early forties. Oh, but rest assured, I am quick to tell them that we are ahem...only 34. (just in case they were wondering, that is.)

Lem and I were married at the ripe age of 23 years old. Our courtship lasted right at 2 years, and in that 2 years, 7 months of it was our engagement period. At the time, it seemed like we were the perfect age for marriage, now looking back it seems a bit young. I really don't think we could have waited much longer, we were finished with college and the time was "right".

As I think back to those days, I remember being so naive about everything. My wedding planning, my expectations, my finances....I was just clueless. Thankfully, God still blesses and loves a clueless girl.

A little about Lem...He is the perfect fit for me. God knew I needed a wise man with good character. No other man would do for this indecisive, care-fee, procrastinating, whimsical young girl. I needed a strong man that could tame this little heart of mine into reality. Perhaps it was being the youngest sibling and always being carried and toted and never really having to make a decision. That's exactly what my big sister was for. I didn't have to think or even talk at times, because she was there to do it for me. Bless her little heart. I still remember sitting on the potty needing to be wiped and my parents sending her little 5 year old self to help. She held her nose the whole time while I looked up to her with my big puppy dog eyes admiring her "big-girlness."

Then along came Lem. He was everything that I ever dreamed of having as a husband. Handsome, funny, witty, smart, educated and self-sufficient. I loved how he could work a room. We would show up at a party in college, my stomach tumbling, my palms sweaty, my nose getting a little oily around the edges, my knees shaking, clutching Lem's arm for support. Then there was Lem...fully confident, big smile, beer in hand, ready to roll. I still love this about him. He leads me and I am happy to follow. He has taught me a lot about "social" situations just by watching him. It just comes easy for him. As I head for the nearest corner, he heads to the nearest gathering. Oh, how I love this about my man!!

One of my favorite things that he does is call me on the phone and he tells me to turn it on a particular station. He always says, "This is my song to you, baby." I always listen intently and grin from ear to ear as I relish each and every word. The last time he did this was last week. The song is probably playing as you read this. It's Brad Paisley's, "Then". If you click the song up at the top right it will start playing. Enjoy, it's a beautiful song.

Lem never ceases to surprise me and he never ceases to adore me. I really don't know what he sees in me, but I will take it none the less. He makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the room every time. Now THAT'S a man that loves me.

Thank you, Lem for just getting better and better with age. Your love for me is like no other. I am grateful to God for the gift of "you." I really do not remember what it was like "BL". (before Lem). Nor do I want to.

We're only getting better with time, darlin'.

and i thought i loved you then,

Jill

Did he really say that?....

~Posing for the first day of school pics~
~First day of 4 yr. old Pre-K..the teacher took the picture...sorry for the blur!~
~My third grader and Pre-K-er...ready for the first day of school..August 5th, 2009~
~Birthday Party at Momma Jane's after school~


Kids say the darndest things. They really do. Mom and I were having a nice quaint lunch with my 2 loves, Joseph and Presley not too long ago. Joseph and I are sitting in the booth seat together across from Mom and Presley. The conversation turned to growing old, looking old, something of that sort. Joseph proceeds to ask me how old I am.

Me: Mommy is 34, darling.

Joseph: Oh, okay. Well, you look younger than that. (a big smile overtakes his little face, as if knowing that what he said was indeed a compliment).

Me: I love you, thank you! That makes Mommy happy that you think I look younger than my age. ( i sit up a little straighter and suck in a little tighter, proud that my boy thinks such a thing.)

As I am relishing in this compliment and dreamily thinking of possible ages that I may look to him.. 25, 26, 27 at the most? Joseph, the sweet soul that he is, scooches his little self to the very end of the long booth. He squints his eyes in such a way that he can barely see. After about 45 seconds of this, he says...

" You really look young from WAY over here, Mommy. "

He then scoots up close to me and opens his wide, knowing eyes, as if catching every detail of my face and says..

"When I get this close, you really, really look your age, though. From far away, you can't see these spots and lines. " (as he is pointing, yes pointing them out on my thirty-four year old face.)

My Mom and I die laughing, and then Mom quickly covers her face and says..

"I don't want to know how old you think I look, so please don't tell!!"

You just can't make this kind of stuff up. Pure innocence. Honest, brutally honest, but innocent and endearing none the least.

proud of every last spot and wrinkle..i earned them well,


Jill

Seats in the balcony....

So much on my heart, not enough words in my vocabulary to convey. Sometimes, when I sit down to blog, I have no idea what I am going to write about until I just start typing...seriously. Sometimes, I just have something on my heart and writing in my journal or blogging is the one thing that gets it all out.

I suppose writing down my thoughts and feelings is something that I started as a wee little girl. My Mom and Dad could tell you many stories of notes slipped under their bedroom door asking them for their forgiveness or permission about something. Maybe this note writing thing was because it was not as scary as face to face conversation. Perhaps it is because I feel like I can hide behind the pen or the keyboard, whichever it is, it's my way of communicating and it always has been.

With that said, I am spilling out my heart. This blog is intended for my children to read and cherish one day as I retell stories about their childhood and funny sayings. 90 percent of this blog is for them, my Loves. The other 10 percent or so is for them to have a glimpse into Mommy's heart. A side that they may not know about me until reading this one day. I want them to know these things, just in case there is the small chance they may face the same battles, the same struggles.

My heart is saddened by the tragic deaths of some people in our circle. One was a 34 year old man who Lem went to school with. He took his life. He took his own life. Upon hearing this news, my knees buckled from under me...not physically, but spiritually. My friend and neighbor, Shannon, called me on my cell phone to tell me this horrific news. I didn't know him, but Lem did. None of this mattered though, whether I knew him or not did not matter. The fact was...someone my age was in such dire straits that the only alternative was taking his own life away.

I still can't wrap myself around this kind of despair and hopelessness. I have heard that anti-depressants may have been to blame. If so, I am even more saddened to know that it may have been prevented. Whichever the case, my heart has been troubled since hearing the news. My spirit has been stirred in such a way that I feel more than ever the need for loving the sick, and befriending those that need a little encouragement or just an ear to listen. My heart is stirring for the millions and millions of people that do not know Jesus. They have no hope, they have no reason to live when something terrible happens. They don't know the peace and the hope that comes with Him.

It's overwhelming and feels a bit daunting at times. Then, just when I feel this way, God assures me that He is leading. I just need to follow. Oh, yes! Follow...follow...follow....i must remember this. I get carried away with "what can i do?? what can i do???" I can almost see God shaking his head as if to say, " No, daughter...it's what I can do...not what you can do. I will work through you, just listen to my commands and follow me."

Unfortunately, I have never been good at following directions. I am much more of a "visual" learner. So, I ask God to give me a picture of hope and how to spread His love and His hope. I imagine that I am the one who is lost and in despair. For, it is not hard to imagine. I have been there, many times. Thank God for people who don't let me stay there for very long. I picture those people, this is my "visual". What are they doing? They are nurturing me, leading me, speaking love, truth and wisdom into my life. They are picking up the pieces and helping me to put it all back together without chastising me for letting the pieces fall apart. I love these people. They are being led by God, they are being stirred and prodded by the Holy Spirit on my behalf. This is my visual. This is my hope.

My friend, Beka, gave me a book that I often look back upon from time to time. It's encouraging, it's full of hope. It's called "Balcony People". I imagine the people in my balcony cheering me on when I feel like I can't go on another day. I imagine the love and belief they have in me as I face a struggle or a stronghold. At the very top tier of that balcony, I see Jesus. He is barely visible because of the light that shrouds His very presence. The warmth of His presence fills the whole arena, my arena. As I squint my eyes to get a closer glimpse, I see my "balcony people" clearer and clearer, though they are not what I was looking for. I feel myself trying harder and harder to just see Him. Then it hits me. I get it. They are Him. He is working through them. He loves me so much that He never leaves my arena at any given moment and never takes His eyes off of me. Yet, He is also using their hands as His hands. Picking me back up when I am down, and gently guiding me to level ground.

What am I saying? I am saying that everyone needs a balcony full of people cheering them on, believing in them. When the seats are empty or vacant, it makes for a lonely show. I hope that by the end of my life, I will be in the balconies of many. I want to rest in the peace that God used His hands to work through me, not for my glory but for His alone.

"May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us-yes, establish the work of our hands. " Psalm 90:17



reserving my balcony seats,


Jill

In search of Me....

The best way to describe it is like a big, fat roller coaster zooming around in your stomach, all the while looking for somewhere to screech it's loud brakes and park. That's one way to put into words how I am feeling lately. Both kids are at school, full time. Me, well, I am zooming around looking for a place to land.

Suddenly and abruptly, I feel myself needing to find a niche. A hobby so to speak, but one that can help pay the bills. Hmmm...good luck with that, right? My mind is in constant motion of what in the world I should do now. Am I good at anything?? Not really finding a definitive answer to that one. Really, I am not feeling sorry for myself, just telling the truth. I feel utterly out of sync with the job market, due to spending my last 8 years on diaper duty so to speak. Daycare working has crossed my mind a few times, just because it fits the bill with my training.

Mommyhood is all i know, and really all i care to know. It's just that with today's economy, i really need to expand my horizons a bit. I made a list of things " that I am good at", then i crossed it off and made a list of "things I like to do".
Here is the list of things I like to do:

~being a mommy
~taking care of my household duties
~ hair, makeup and any kind of beauty treatment on the planet

Well, so what now?

In the meantime of" finding myself", I am in the process of being a substitute teacher at the kids schools. It's a start, I guess.


With my love for all things hair, I also spoke with my hair dresser, and asked her about helping out in the salon. She said I could, but probably not until October. Hmm. Okay, so, now i wait.

I know that God has a plan for me, I am just ready for the "reveal". Impatience is knocking at my heart and I'm sincerely trying not to answer.

Meanwhile, you will find me in my usual spot. I am comfortable here, but comfortable is not always a good thing. Ambitious, resourceful, industrious, ardent, and determined are the adjectives I am striving for here in my job pursuit. It's scary, very scary for me to think of doing anything other that what i have been doing for so long. I am happy here. However, I can't help but see the wave of change in the horizon, cresting, and coming ashore.

I found a verse that hits home with my emotions at the moment...

"All you who put your hope in the Lord, be strong and brave", Psalm 31:24

Strong and brave are not knocking at my door, but I am looking through the peep hole anxiously awaiting.

still searching,



Jill

The apple doesn't fall very far....

Our wonderful neighbors invited us to come swimming this week after school. It was a Tuesday afternoon...homework was done, dinner was warming, and the house was semi-clean. What the heck...sure, we will join you for a swim.Why not.

The Sewell's have become dear friends of ours. Their son, Tristin, is 10 yrs old, and their daughter, Slylar, is 8 years old. Joseph and Presley have come to love playing every afternoon with them. Before they moved in we had to force the kids to go outside. There was just not really anyone to play with..that was their age anyway. Well now, another story. Tristin and Skylar are more like cousins to Joseph and Presley. They LOVE playing together.

Well, I have been noticing that Joseph really seems to like playing with the little girl, Skylar, more than the little boy. They just have fun together. She is very much a tom-boy and loves to get dirty with the rest of them. She is just adorable. Joseph, I think, agrees. ;)

Where am I going with this, you ask? Okay, I'm getting there. So, we agree to come swimming with them on Tuesday afternoon. The kids put on their swimsuits with the speed of a lightning bolt. Excited, to say the least.

As Presley and I walk down our driveway to our neighbors house, we notice Joseph is not with us. Huh? He was just with us coming out the door. Hmmm. I look behind me and see him on the hard pavement of our driveway doing push-ups. Yes, push-ups. His face is etched into that of a trained fighter getting ready for his next match. His eyes are closed and he is grunting loudly.

I am startled. "Joseph, what are you doing darlin'??" No answer.

"Joseph, are you okay? Are you doing......push-ups?"

"Yes, yes, Mommy. You know, just like Daddy does before we go down to the beach. He always does push-ups to look more buff."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I asked him who he wanted to look buff for, and he nonchalantly said...."uh, nobody."

My boy is growing up.

not sure if i am ready for this,

Jill

No looking back....

School started last week, pictures to come. My week and a half has been quite full. Missing my babies, but loving be able to get everything done..well mostly anyway. It's kind of strange not having Presley by my side and asking me questions, and being her sweet little self. I can't ponder on it too long, or I will have a meltdown. I am waiting for this to happen..I have to force myself not to go there in my head.

I miss them being at school. It seems so unnatural. They are both doing great, better than me. I guess that's the way it should be, right?? It's continually hard to let go and let them grow up. It's the way God designed it. But why does it have to be do darn hard?? I picture them in my mind as babies, and I guess they always will be to me. I try to think of the excitement of watching them grow up and experiencing new things, but it's really hard. I just want them under my wing, protecting them from the world.

Be back soon..

holding back the tears and trying not to look back,

Jill

Eight is Great....

~Your birthday party at Pump it Up...from left..Tom, Presley, William, John, Anna-Joy, Jane and Danny. You are the handsome little man in the back! :)
~My little beach hunk
~Watch out, here he comes!
~Cutie pie!
~Enjoying your friends and family at Pump it Up
~You and Royce at Pump it Up


Happy Birthday Joseph Lemuel Hill! Here are some things that you did this year as a 7 year old...

~played soccer for Fall and Spring seasons..you LOVE soccer!

~ride your bike very well through the neighborhood

~made some new friends in the neighborhood..Tristin and Skylar

~started and finished 2nd grade...Mrs. Chapman was your teacher

~you won a reading contest at school and they awarded you a bike! your picture was in the newspaper

~your picture was also in the newspaper for dressing up as Tony Hawk at school...you are getting pretty famous!

~you had your first friend from school spend the night at your house...Alex

~you went took your first plane ride this Summer

~you went out of the country on your first plane ride to Italy!

~you drank red wine and didn't like it

~you climbed to the top of the leaning tower of Pisa.

~you took your first taxi ride...in Italy.

~you lost more teeth.

~you had your first cavity this year (2 actually)

~you went camping for the first time...in the back yard!

~your favorite thing right now is Transformers (again) and Bionicles

~you got a WII for your birthday!

~you finally got to have a birthday party at Pump it Up..you have been asking for years!

~you love to tell jokes...you have a very keen sense of humor

~you have discovered that you enjoy dancing...and you are good at it!

~your birthday was on the first day of school this year...again. :)

~Most importantly...you asked Jesus to live in your heart last November. You said that you feel so safe since you asked Him to live in your heart forever.

~After that you wrote to Santa and the only thing you asked for was to be baptized. Your wish was fulfilled Sunday March 29th by Pastor Scott Moore at Eastridge Community Church.

I can't wait to see what this year holds for you! Eight is GREAT!!


Joseph, you are the best son that a Mother could ask for. I love every inch of you. You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make me the happiest Mommy in the world. My favorite thing in the world is being with you, Presley and Daddy. Thank you for being so obedient to your parents. God has put a heart of pure gold inside of you, and I am so thankful.

you have my heart in your little hands,

Mommy

When in Rome...

The steps in the Scala Santa...we climbed these on our knees...more about them below.

Walls of the Sistine Chapel (the official residence of the Pope in Vatican City)
Just one of the many painted ceilings in the Sistine Chapel
Another view inside the Sistine Chapel

Danny and Terri...the reason we were able to go on this trip...thank you!!
Best friends and cousins and travel buddies...William (10) and Joseph(7)
Dropping Presley off at "MawMaw Camp" for the week...this was very difficult for me...but not for her! She had the time of her life!!
Scala Santa....

This was one of the most amazing things that we did. Lem, Joseph and I went inside this church and climbed 28 steps on our knees as we prayed.

The 28 marble stairs carefully preserved in this handsome building are traditionally the steps walked up by Christ on his way to trial before Pontius Pilate. St. Helena, mother of the Emperor Constantine, was a pioneering collector of relics, and the staircase is supposedly among her finds, brought to Rome in c.326 AD.

Devout pilgrims still mount the steps on their knees, praying. The rate of progress is very slow and looks suitably punishing. Nowadays the stairs are protected by wood, although there are holes cut through above marks which are supposed to be Jesus's blood (you won't be able to see through these unless you do the kneeling). Which we did!

The Roman Forum (Latin: Forum Romanum), sometimes known by its original Latin name, is located between the Palatine hill and the Capitoline hill of the city of Rome. It is the central area around which the ancient Roman civilization developed. Citizens referred to the location as the "Forum Magnum" or just the "Forum". In other words...can you believe how old this is and that we can still see it today? Wow!!
The Pantheon..The Pantheon stands as the most complete Roman structure on earth, having survived 20 centuries of plunder, pillage and invasion.

overlooking a hot spring in one of the villages nearby
outside our villa, heading to dinner.
coming up the driveway to the villa....
another view of the villa...

waiting and waiting and waiting at the airport...our first flight was cancelled, then the second flight was cancelled the next day, then on the third day we took off!! we ended up leaving 2 days later than planned. very frustrating, but the trip was worth the wait!
About to take off!
Joseph's very first plane ride!
Our first morning in Italy, Lem is awake very early and drinking coffee in this coat of many colors bath robe..;)

The view from our villa..Poggio di Sopra
Poggio di Sopra...the back view...the pool was overlooking the wine vineyard
The European way..swimming caps..William and Joseph
Standing on the outskirts of a village in Pienza
A replica of the David outside of Galleria dell'Accademia..the original can be found inside the Gallery...no pictures can be taken inside.
Joseph's first glass of wine at Castello Romitorio
Dinner in Montalcino
This magnificent piece of work is St. Peter's Basilica (the largest church in the world)..... in Vatican City
A very happy couple standing in St. Peter's Basilica..this is right next to the Sistine Chapel. St. Peter is buried here, as well as all of the Pope's. We toured their tombs.
One of Michelangelo's famous paintings, "The Creation of Adam" on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. This is only one of many paintings on the ceiling..it was truly incredible.
Standing in front of the Colosseum
Another view....
Jess, Rob, Me, William and Joseph enjoy one last day in Rome


I think I have finally figured out why the delay in posting about our trip to Italy. Just like how I never finished reading the sequel to "Gone with the Wind"...I just couldn't bear to let it end.The same holds true to our trip to Italy. My heart wants to hold onto the memories and not share them for fear of releasing them from my soul. Weird, strange and creepy, I know.

Italy has a piece of my heart and always will. I can't explain how a vacation can change you, and change your view of the world, but somehow it did. Those of you reading this that are fortunate enough to travel the world and see much more than I have probably know this feeling. Mere words cannot describe the beauty of this country and the vast differences in their culture. Differences that I want to remember and adhere to in some way.

Since we have returned, Lem and I have been true to Italian traditions by having a glass of red wine each evening together after the children go to bed. It has become quite fun trying new wines from the Tuscany region(with a small budget in mind). We discovered that our favorite wine on the planet is Brunello di Montalcino by Castello Romitorio. This happens to be the same winery that we toured and the owner of the winery actually owns the villa that we stayed. He is an artist who became famous after moving to New York City. He lives in a castle half of the year, and in New York the other half. This delicious wine is made from the sangiovese grape, which is only harvested in Tuscany. It cannot be harvested anywhere else in the world. Isn't that fascinating? If you want to try it sometime, we have discovered that none other than the trusty old Sigman Bottle Shop in Conyers has this wine. The cost is a whopping $50.00. However, if you want something that is made from the same region by the same grapes, for a LOT less....you can find something for around $16.00 a bottle there as well.(Much more our speed!)

Lem, Joseph and I have been able to see a view of the world like no other. The bond that we share in being able to partake in European traditions, culture, cuisine, and art will intertwine our hearts eternally. With this in mind, I am adamant about taking Presley when she is old enough to appreciate and savor the opportunity as we did.

My heart swells with memories and remembrances every time I look at our pictures. The overwhelming sites and historical churches and monuments are almost too much to breathe in. Head spinning and mouth wide open is the way that I would describe the way I looked the whole trip. Not a pretty sight, but I really couldn't help myself. God's handiwork was apparent at every turn. If you don't believe me, just look at the pictures. They say a picture paints a thousand words, and for this I'm grateful. My meager vocabulary cannot express the majesty of this place.


Buona Serra for now ,

Jill

P.s...I am posting many more pictures at our Shutterfly sharesite as we speak..check them out if you would like at:

www.thehillfamily1998.shutterfly.com

Many thanks to our wonderful travel companions Rob, Jessica, William, Danny and Terri for making this trip even better by enjoying it together with all of you!

Back...sort of....

Just a little update to let you guys know that I will be back to the land of the blogging very soon! We just returned from our vacation to Italia! (or Italy, as we call it here in the states!) I have so many pictures, memories, moments, etc. to post about in the near future.

I am still very much jet-lagged. Not sure if it's because I am getting old, but it seems that I just can't seem to shake this time-change and jet-lag...UGGH!

Ciao for now!

Jill