Saturday, August 29, 2009
In search of Me....
The best way to describe it is like a big, fat roller coaster zooming around in your stomach, all the while looking for somewhere to screech it's loud brakes and park. That's one way to put into words how I am feeling lately. Both kids are at school, full time. Me, well, I am zooming around looking for a place to land.
Suddenly and abruptly, I feel myself needing to find a niche. A hobby so to speak, but one that can help pay the bills. Hmmm...good luck with that, right? My mind is in constant motion of what in the world I should do now. Am I good at anything?? Not really finding a definitive answer to that one. Really, I am not feeling sorry for myself, just telling the truth. I feel utterly out of sync with the job market, due to spending my last 8 years on diaper duty so to speak. Daycare working has crossed my mind a few times, just because it fits the bill with my training.
Mommyhood is all i know, and really all i care to know. It's just that with today's economy, i really need to expand my horizons a bit. I made a list of things " that I am good at", then i crossed it off and made a list of "things I like to do".
Here is the list of things I like to do:
~being a mommy
~taking care of my household duties
~ hair, makeup and any kind of beauty treatment on the planet
Well, so what now?
In the meantime of" finding myself", I am in the process of being a substitute teacher at the kids schools. It's a start, I guess.
With my love for all things hair, I also spoke with my hair dresser, and asked her about helping out in the salon. She said I could, but probably not until October. Hmm. Okay, so, now i wait.
I know that God has a plan for me, I am just ready for the "reveal". Impatience is knocking at my heart and I'm sincerely trying not to answer.
Meanwhile, you will find me in my usual spot. I am comfortable here, but comfortable is not always a good thing. Ambitious, resourceful, industrious, ardent, and determined are the adjectives I am striving for here in my job pursuit. It's scary, very scary for me to think of doing anything other that what i have been doing for so long. I am happy here. However, I can't help but see the wave of change in the horizon, cresting, and coming ashore.
I found a verse that hits home with my emotions at the moment...
"All you who put your hope in the Lord, be strong and brave", Psalm 31:24
Strong and brave are not knocking at my door, but I am looking through the peep hole anxiously awaiting.