Monday, August 5, 2013

The day my heart left me.....

On this day 12 years ago, I became the only thing I ever really wanted to be....a mother.

Of course, the only other thing I ever really wanted to be was a wife. They kind of go hand in hand. :)

I will never forget my mom telling me when I was 18 years old that I HAD to go to college.

In my mind, I knew I did. However, in my heart, I only wanted to one day get married to a good man, have babies, and stay at home to raise them.

All three of those things have been given to me by my awesome Lord.

The day Joseph was born, my life changed. Forever.

My heart no longer belonged to myself. It was ripped out of my chest and now encapsulated this 8lb 4oz baby boy.

I will never, ever forget the first time Joseph and I locked eyes. He had been crying when they took him from me. They washed him off and laid him on a table beside me. The doctors were sewing me up, and doing all that fun stuff that doctors do.

My eyes glanced over to the right side of my bed, and there it happened. Joseph and I locked eyes. His cry became a hush in a mere second.

The excruciating pain and weariness that my body was screaming from suddenly ceased.

Joy and peace unspeakable filled my body. A feeling I cannot explain with mere words.

It was just Joseph and me. The world stopped at that moment.

I have told him this story over and over. He loves hearing it. I love telling it.

I've never known anyone like Joseph. He's smart, caring, compassionate, witty, loving...and so much more.

Everyone I have ever known tells me how special he is. He just has that something. That something that makes him radiate God's love. God's peace.

He makes me a better person. Every single day.

I often {almost daily} say that I cannot believe these children came from my loins. Impossible.

The hardest part of being a momma to a little boy is the detachment that slowly starts happening around the age of 10-ish. It's heart crushing.

However, I know it's the way God designed it. That Independence. That man-hood thing beginning.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I would put him right back in my womb if I could. But, I can't.

The world needs Joseph. The world needs Joseph's heart.

He makes this world a better place.

The Lord has big plans for our Joseph. I just know it.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6

Our Joseph

my little beach boy

first day of Kindergarten

Joseph and Presley 2005

Royce and Joseph--best cousins

1 year old

4 years old

learning to ride his bike

scraped knee

first trip to the beach (6 weeks old)--mommy jane holding him!

my favorite picture

baby on the beach--2002

Elvis lip curl

my love--2009

Indiana and super girl

ready for the beach!

reading to his sister

missing teeth

my beach boys

Mothers Day 2013--my gift.

1 comment:

Mary Hudgins Balicki said...

So precious! Love this and love your precious Joseph, especially. Happy Birthday to that special child.
Love you so!