Thursday, August 29, 2013

One year later.....

So, I have this little person in my home. He's been here a little over a year now.

He has completely captured my heart. Which is a complete understatement.

Just tonight, I saw him in the den watching t.v. He was sitting really close, and I just watched the back of his little lead.

A few minutes later, he bolted into the kitchen and ran right into me by accident.

He looked up and said, "Oops, sorry."

I picked him up and spun him around and planted a big kiss on his cheek.

He was stiff as a board and certainly did not melt into my embrace. In fact, quite the opposite.

This happens a lot. Each time, my heart gets a little {a big} ping.

Every time this happens I get this picture in my head.

The picture of the many times that Jesus has been right there. Waiting on me to fall headlong into His Arms.

And, I don't.

In fact, many times I have been stiff. I have been resistant to His Love.

I wasn't ready. I wasn't able to receive it. Or at least didn't think I could.

God keeps speaking to my heart this word: Unconditional

Love is unconditional when it's not based on any conditions.

Like non-responsiveness. Like rejection. Like indifference.

When we are able to love unconditionally we get a glimpse of the Father's Love for us. It's almost too much to take in.

I thought that when the Lord laid it on my heart almost 3 years ago that we would foster, that the fostering would be to help, to nurture, to care for a child in need.

The definition of "foster" is this: "encourage or promote the development of (something, typically something regarded as good)."

Little did I know that the fostering would be for my heart. The fostering has been for me. To encourage and promote the development of my heart.

To be able to see life in a view that I could have never seen otherwise.

Instead of wanting to "save a child", God is showing me a heart that needed fostering, saving, and growing.

My heart. 

Although our fostering situation looks way different than I had envisioned, the premise is still the same.

We can never put God in a box. He will bust that box wide open every single time.

It's been a year since we have had a new place setting at the table, and a third little lunch to pack daily.

I'm so grateful for this opportunity. It can be hard, it can be tiring, it can be mentally exhausting. Most days I feel like I am a miserable failure at this.

Then, just when I want to drown in my sorrows, a little voice will holler down the hall, "I love you too!"

When this happens, you could swim in the puddle that my melted heart has left on the floor.

learning to love,