Monday, April 6, 2009

Don't blink....

Monday morning, and I am having another sentimental episode. I am really trying not to dwell on the future and watching my children grow up. But gosh, it is so hard not to. Every time I look at them I see a new change in their little faces, a small maturity that wasn't there yesterday. I understand this is life. I don't have to like it though, do I?

Why do the best years seem to go by so fast? My heart is literally breaking to think of Presley going to school all day in the Fall. I have already teetered back and forth of maybe keeping her home with me, or just putting her in a half day preschool. Lem thinks that I have lost my mind. Perhaps, I have.

Being a Mom, is really all I seem to know how to do. I have to pray really hard to have balance. For example, being a good wife, a good daughter, a good friend. These things just don't seem to come as easy for me. My life is wrapped up in my kids which is probably a little (or a lot) smothering to them at times. As I write this, I can hear Presley's little voice in my head saying, "Mommy, I know you love me...I know, I know...let's talk about something else". I laugh as I think of her saying this.

Perhaps on somber days as this, it's all just hormones. Approaching my mid-thirties is a real eyeopener to what my life encompasses. I still have this overwhelming desire to have another baby. Is it just because I can't fathom the thought of not having a little one to nurture, baby, and coddle? Or is it because I feel like being a Mother is all I know how to do. What will I do when Presley is not with me all day long? Will I shrivel up and be miserable? Pacing the floor all day until my children get home from school?

My children will read this blog of ours one day. I hope they find nothing but love and happiness in the everyday life that we have together. I want them to know how special they are and how everyday with them is an absolute gift from God. I am overwhelmingly blessed by them. Their little heart-melting smiles, their tender kisses, their heavenly hugs, their charming curiosity is the most enjoyable part of each day.

I know there are many days that I take their little notions for granted. I get busy cleaning, cooking, organizing, whatever, and I miss some of these moments. These days will be there. Hopefully not many.

My heart and soul are in the pages of this blog. I hope my Joseph and Presley will find delight when reading this someday. May their little hearts feel the warmth from the love they give me every single day.

I heard a song yesterday that completely describes how I am feeling. "Don't blink" by Kenny Chesney. My throat gets a lump and my heart swells every time I hear the words to this song.

trying not to blink,



Mary said...

What a sweet post!! You are an incredible Mom, doting with love, lavishing every ounce of warmth on their sweet little selves. I'm ever-amazed and inspired by your strong devotion.
I'm having a similar Monday. . . trying to muster smiles instead of tears.
Eyes wide open and shoulder-to-shoulder with love and support for this huge and emotional calling,

Tracey said...

I feel the exact same way all the time! Where has the time gone????
You are an amazing mom, I love to watch you with your children. You are so good at your job!!! You are in your element!!!

Trying not to blink either,

Rebekah Hudgins said...


I love this journal entry. You often write about the very things I am thinking. Only you say everything eloquently.

Let's savor each moment.

Love you lady,

P.S. Jack loved looking at these beautiful photos of Joseph and Pres and he recounted completely our visit to your house in December, so sweet! He's in love with your blond haired beauty!

Laurie from GA said...

I've never heard this song...but now I'm crying!!!! We had this conversation at the beach, (which made me realize I wasn't alone!!) I just don't want them to grow up!!!

Sweet post! Makes us all remember to not blink!!!!!!