Some days the Lord just speaks to you.
Today was one of those days.
I woke up to read my favorite devotional, "Jesus Calling". If you don't have this devotional, you need it.
Anyway, the Lord spoke right to my heart this morning in the words I read. My eyes brimmed over with tears. I was barely still awake when I read the words. My eyes were still kind of sleepy.
It was just what I needed to hear.
Lately, I have been feeling very lackluster and a little lonely. Not lonely in the "lonely without friends" sense, but kind of lonely with my walk with the Lord.
I told a friend recently that I feel the Lord is growing me in dependence on HIM, and not on others. This is a hard growing pain for me.
I have spent my entire life depending on others for emotional support and affirmation. Hanging on every word of those around me to get my tank filled with their words and their love.
The Lord is slowly and painfully breaking me of this. I ain't gonna lie...it is HARD!
Hence, one of the reasons I logged off of FB for now. FB is affirmation-city for an affirmation-junkie like myself. It fills these holes, and it feels good!
However, the Lord spoke clearly to me when He told me to hang it up for now. He knew it wasn't best for me at this time. He knew it was hindering my dependence on HIM for the filling of these holes.
It makes me feel a little sad and a little lonely because I am a very social girl! I love being in the know! I love keeping up with my peeps! It feels good to feel loved and "noticed!"
Oh, but the Lord knows my heart better than I do. He knows what is best for me, and He knows I need just Him right now.
Again, it is hard.
He wants me to be okay with just being noticed by Him. Him alone.
I am getting there. I really am.
I know that the fruit of this growth will be well worth the growing pains. It will.
He is so good, and only wants what is BEST for me. He doesn't want mediocre-Jill anymore, He wants His best-Jill.
As I type, I hear Lem in the kitchen talking to the dogs. Simple, sweet Lem. His heart is so pure and so good.
Another reason he is just good for me. He makes me better. So much better.
He is God's BEST for me.
Yep, he is.