Ok, here goes. Deep breath. This is the second post that I have written in the last week. Where is the other post you ask? Well after pouring my heart and soul over my keyboard and this little blog of mine..I hit that itty bitty black delete button and poof there it went. On purpose. Not by accident.
If you like to express yourself in written form, you know exactly what I mean. Sometimes, you just have to write it out and then it's out. You feel better. It doesn't really matter who reads it because it's therapy for your heart. It's out there..it is not festering in your mind anymore. It's exposed. Then you read over it, and inhale the magnitude of it and shudder. Yikes. Too much. Too much to share with the world. I think I will hit delete.
Anyone...anyone ever do this? Is it just me?
I thought so. Shoot.
The Bible says to bring things to the light..not to keep them hidden. Well, for me, writing this blog is my "light". Of course, I still do confess and discuss my longings, desires, and direction with my Heavenly Father daily. However, when it comes to expressing myself and what's "going on" with me..I tend to prefer the written form. Just ask my Mom.
When I was a little girl, I would always ask permission on paper. I would express my undying love and devotion to my parents on paper. I would journal about my deepest darkest secrets...which weren't really deep or dark....on paper. Perhaps it seemed less confrontational? Not sure, but it was just how the little Jill preferred to communicate.
Here we are today...30 some odd years later, and Big Jill is the same communicator. I have trouble verbally. It doesn't flow like I want it to. I feel more guarded when I speak verbally than in the written form. I tend to lessen what I really want to say. Know what I mean?
Okay, back to the story.
What I really want to say is that God is working in a BIG way in my life right now. I am not sure how it will all come together for His glory...but I KNOW it will.
You see, my heart has been burning with a desire to have more children. Let me clarify...to adopt more children. Well, as the old song goes..."It takes two to make a thing go right". Wow, not the best song for such a serious post....but you catch my drift.
Lem didn't exactly share my desire. He wasn't opposed to it completely, but also didn't really have a desire. Lem is a realist. He is practical and very thoughtful in his planning. He doesn't do anything haphazardly or EVER toss caution to the wind.
Me? Well, read the above of how I described Lem, and now change out those words with the exact opposite meaning. Hence....dreamer, not practical, whimsical, haphazard, and loves throwing caution to the wind. Yep, you got is sister...that's me.
Well, Jill and Lem were thrown a big fat curve ball while on vacation. We met two foster children...Jonothon and Jasmin. Brother and Sister. Oh my goodness. Love at first sight.
My heart will never be the same after meeting with them, playing with them, and watching 4th of July fireworks with them.
The children were staying with the family of some friends of ours that were also staying in St. Simon's the same time that we were there. Coincidence? I think not.
I love how God works. He never ceases to amaze me.
The children will probably be taken from their birth mother and sent to live in a permanent home soon. My prayer is that they not be separated from each other. They have 2 older siblings that they are already separated from. So very sad.
Will you join me in praying for these children? Please pray that God will find the perfect home for them. The home that He hand picks.
Needless to say, my heart is beating twice as fast after meeting those 2 angels. I feel God is preparing our hearts and possibly our home for "more". I need your prayers. God is working. I am seeing the signs. He amazes me with His love. He is all around...I just have to choose to SEE.
I have so many more details to this story...one day I will share. The book is still being written. The forward is all I know at this time. I can't wait to share the chapters in between and then the ending. Wow. I know it will come...in His time.
I hesitate to post this because of the vulnerability that comes with a post like this. My heart wants to stay guarded, and sit back and let God do His thing. However, I want to step out in faith and believe Him and trust Him on this journey.
I want to give Him glory and credit along every stepping stone...wherever it may lead. He keeps reminding me to have HOPE.
Hope. It's a beautiful word. One of my favorite words in the English language. Hope.
Please agree with me in prayer over this journey and pray for the precious lives of Jonothon and Jasmin. They have touched my heart (and Lem's). God knew they would.
I have this very thing written in my journal from July 5th with a heart circled around it:
I trust You.
I will wait for You.
I believe You.
I love You.
I will be still for You.
I believe you.
"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
Okay, Okay...I'm still, I'm still!
How can I pray for you dear friend?
never giving up my Hope,