Us

Us

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Butterfly Kisses.....


My Momma always told me that my kids will break my heart one day.

Never, I thought. My kids adore me, they are my best friends and another extension of my body. Like my fingers and my toes, they are with me. Always. They prefer me over anyone.

Well, once again....Momma is always right.

I still have complete loyalty from my Presley. She wakes up singing my name, and goes to sleep singing my name and caressing my face. She's mine. All mine.

Then there's my heart melting 9 year old, Joseph.

My little world turned upside down Thursday night. I realized I was smothering him. Momma's oohing and ahhing over his every move is not what he needs anymore. He needs space.

He needs his Daddy.

Not only does he need his Daddy, but he prefers his Dad.

Love really is blind, I suppose. This has been coming on for the last year or so. I have just chosen to bury my head in that proverbial sand box. Only coming up from air when absolutely necessary.

It started with a simple and fun game of family kick ball. Laughter and competition and a lot of fun for a school night.

As we were bidding adieu to the Mayzurk family, our competitors, Lem started laughing hysterically.

He then tells us that Joseph was kicking at the basketball goal and fell straight on his back in the grass. Joseph must have quickly hopped up, because he was standing by the time we looked over.

Joseph was laughing, and Lem was still teasing him. (not okay with me, but that's another story. )

A couple of minutes later, Joseph is nowhere to be found. Finally, I find him behind Lem's truck crying.

I rush over to him ready to console him and nurse him back to happiness.

Joseph wanted none of this. He wanted to be left alone, and was even more upset that I was trying to console him.

We then go inside and I try to talk to him in his room. I am lying next to him in his bed, trying to talk to him about what had transpired.

I was met with tears and defiance. He was mad that he was crying, and even more upset that I was seeing him cry.

BOYS!!

I don't understand. They are so foreign to me sometimes.

But, Joseph isn't like any other boy. I can read him like the back of my hand because he is so much like me. Or at least he used to be.

Now, he is full-on boy.

The conversation that I tried to pursue was nothing short of a train wreck. I may as well have dug a hole and buried myself in it right then and there.

I finally gave up and went to shower. In my head a good hot shower would wash all this away and everything would be back to the way it was. Not likely.

The next morning I was still so upset. I woke up even earlier than usual to read my beloved, "To Train up a Child" book. I have studied, taken notes and revered this book for the last 3 or 4 years. I often go to it for help and guidance when I am at a loss. It's biblically based and full of wisdom.

I prayed for His wisdom, for His guidance. Over and over in my prayer, I repeated..."This is SO hard!!"

My eyes full of tears and my heart desperate, I felt the Lord fill me with peace. I knew what I needed to do.

I had to back down. Joseph needs space. He needs room to be upset without my coddling and caressing. He doesn't need me to make him "talk" about his feelings every single incident. This only further complicates things for him, because he feels like a wimp for crying. And even more so for me seeing him cry. Ughh.

Yes, complicated to say the least.

This will not be easy. I will have to have God's strength and power to go against the grain of my momma-bear instinct.

As I type this, I am reminded of a story I once read about a little boy. He was walking along and saw a chrysalis on a branch. He watched it for a moment as he discovered a butterfly was struggling to break through. He felt sorry for the butterfly, so he grabbed his little pocket knife and and cut open the chrysalis to help the butterfly avoid the struggle. He held the butterfly in his hand as it tried to flap his small wings. The butterfly couldn't flap his wings, they were too weak.

When the challenge to emerge from the the chrysalis was removed, the butterfly's opportunity to strengthen his wings was denied.

The butterfly quickly died. It needed to struggle in order to soar.

Joseph needs to struggle and get strong on his own. I can't make everything easy and comfortable for him. He won't grow to be the man that God has designed him to be.

I will still be here, looking on from afar. Being right at his side when he requests. However, until then, I must play my role. His mother. Not his hero.

This passage from my book, "To train up a child" spoke to my heart and reassured my place:

"Your reactions are not going to make life any less unfair for your child, but there is a danger of stirring up a feel-sorry-for-myself attitude in him. If you are tough, he will be tough. If you are joyful, he will be joyful."

Tough it is.

I will put my best foot forward and play the role that God has designed for me in his life. Life is about growing and learning and then growing and learning some more. It always hurts. It always will, I suppose.

True Love puts others needs in front of your own. True love is being so concerned over the condition of another that you put your own feelings aside. Wanting the absolute best for someone, even if it goes against what your heart desires.

Love may hurt, but it is worth every heart break. Every single tear that I cry.

The gift of motherhood is not to be taken lightly. Like any other precious gem, it must be cared for and protected.  It may get a few dings and scratches, but it will never lose it's value. Priceless.

growing up is hard,


Photobucket

47 comments:

Audrey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary said...

(I was signed in as Audrey on the first try. Oops.)

Wow, Jilly!! I can't imagine how hard that was for you. My heart is breaking just reliving it in my mind - wasn't it just yesterday that he was watching Thomas in his red PBKids armchair? :((
Guess he can't marry Audrey if he never grows up. ;) I'm sad but really proud of you for going straight Him for the answers. What wisdome you've shown. I LOVE how you mother - so precious to watch.
Love you - ever and always!
xoxo!

Hospitalitygal said...

Jill, I cannot tell you how much I needed to hear exactly this story! As the mother of three boys, it encouraged me and helped me understand my own brokenhearted feelings as my babies grow and grow! Jacob is almost eleven and I'm experiencing all these same things with him. Thank you! You are a blessing.

Anonymous said...

diazepam 10 mg efectos del diazepam 10 mg - where to buy diazepam in the usa

Anonymous said...

diazepam overdose 5mg diazepam for dogs - buy valium online no prescription in australia

Anonymous said...

order ambien online order ambien online no prescription - ambien 78

Anonymous said...

buy zolpidem online ambien side effects throwing up - ambien side effects memory loss

Anonymous said...

xanax for sale without prescription .5mg xanax drug test - xanax side effects of withdrawal

Anonymous said...

valium generic valium half life body - types generic valium

Anonymous said...

cheapest ativan ativan 59 - ativan overdose signs symptoms

Anonymous said...

zolpidem no prescription side effects of zolpidem (ambien) - major side effects of zolpidem

Anonymous said...

diazepam 5mg diazepam and high blood pressure - highest dosage diazepam

Anonymous said...

buy xanax online forum how much does xanax 1 mg sell for - generic xanax 1mg

Anonymous said...

buy xanax bars xanax 1mg a day - xanax zoloft side effects

Anonymous said...

buy diazepam diazepam 5mg dosage dogs - diazepam 2 mg and breastfeeding

Anonymous said...

xanax for sale xanax bars symptoms - 10 xanax overdose

Anonymous said...

lorazepam mg 60 mg ativan - ativan usual dosage

Anonymous said...

cheap generic ativan ativan bad high blood pressure - ativan 0.25 mg

Anonymous said...

soma for sale soma muscle relaxer and alcohol - buy soma a+

Anonymous said...

order soma online somanabolic muscle maximizer sign in - assistir filmes online soma todos medos

Anonymous said...

buy soma online carisoprodol 31 - buy qualitest soma online

Anonymous said...

buy valium online valium 5 mg - valium 5mg for flying

Anonymous said...

ambien pills lunesta ambien drug interactions - ambien 30 mg

Anonymous said...

buy ambien online ambien cr blue pill - buy ambien locally

Anonymous said...

buy diazepam valium dosage extreme anxiety - valium 5mg dan 5619

Anonymous said...

diazepam drug valium zopiclone - valium drug drug interactions

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Keeping up with the Hills - Post a Comment reductil online - meridia price http://www.meridiaordernow.com/#meridia-price

Anonymous said...

Blogger: Keeping up with the Hills - Post a Comment buy meridia - meridia online http://www.meridiaordernow.com/#meridia-online

Anonymous said...

Pc Tablets Apps prednisone for sale - prednisone medication http://www.prednisone4sale.com/#prednisone-medication

Anonymous said...

Hello, generic strattera atomoxetine - buy cheap strattera http://www.lasmaracasonline.com/#buy-cheap-strattera

Anonymous said...

Hello, venlafaxine online - venlafaxine no prescription http://www.effexorcostonline.com/#venlafaxine-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

Hello, cheap lasix without prescription - furosemide without rx http://www.jacksbackyarddallas.com/#furosemide-without-rx

Anonymous said...

Hello, cost of strattera - strattera online pharmacy http://www.lasmaracasonline.com/#strattera-online-pharmacy

Anonymous said...

Unquestionably believe that which you said. Your favorite justification seemed to be on the web the easiest thing to be aware of.
I say to you, I certainly get annoyed while people consider worries that they just
do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people can take
a signal. Will probably be back to get more.
Thanks
Look at my web site - MEDAL OF HONOR WARFIGHTER Aimbot

Anonymous said...

Hello, lipitor without rx - price of generic lipitor http://www.costoflipitoronline.net/#price-of-generic-lipitor

Anonymous said...

Hello, cheap cytotec online no prescription - cheap cytotec online http://www.cytotecforlessonline.net/#cheap-cytotec-online

Anonymous said...

dalsCleax finasteride online no prescription - finasteride without rx http://www.propeciaspecialprice.com/#finasteride-without-rx

Anonymous said...

dalsCleax generic propecia no prescription - cheap propecia no prescription http://www.propeciaspecialprice.com/#cheap-propecia-no-prescription

Anonymous said...

dalsCleax purchase cymbalta online - generic cymbalta duloxetine http://www.cymbaltadiscountprice.com/#generic-cymbalta-duloxetine

Anonymous said...

Drug Alcohol Suicide generic diflucan online - purchase diflucan online http://www.aftermarketcaddy.com/, purchase diflucan no prescription

Anonymous said...

tfv atorvastatin price - cheap lipitor no prescription http://www.lipitordiscountonline.net/#atorvastatin-price, [url=http://www.lipitordiscountonline.net/#atorvastatin-price]buy atorvastatin online [/url]

Anonymous said...

tmd [url=http://www.cytoteconlinecheap.net/#cytotec-without-prescription ]cytotec pills [/url] - cytotec online no prescription - cytotec for sale online http://www.cytoteconlinecheap.net/#order-cytotec-online ,

Anonymous said...

xrh cheap atomoxetine - generic strattera atomoxetine http://www.stratteraforsale.net/#generic-strattera-atomoxetine , [url=http://www.stratteraforsale.net/#buy-cheap-strattera ]buy cheap strattera [/url]

Anonymous said...

Hello, soma online pharmacy - soma pills http://www.californiabarattorneysearch.net/#soma-pills , [url=http://www.californiabarattorneysearch.net/#cheap-carisoprodol ]cheap carisoprodol [/url]

Anonymous said...


4 Cymbalta 60mg - buy cymbalta online http://www.cymbaltaduloxetineorder.net/#cymbalta-60mg, [url=http://www.cymbaltaduloxetineorder.net/#cymbalta-generic]Cymbalta Generic[/url]

Anonymous said...

http://site.ru - [url=http://site.ru]site[/url] site
site

Anonymous said...

Thе article offerѕ рroνen
benefіcial to mе. It’ѕ quite informatiνe аnd you're simply certainly quite educated of this type. You have got exposed my own face in order to varying views on this particular topic along with intriquing, notable and solid written content.
Also visit my webpage ; ativan