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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Comfortably Numb...

I have learned to never get comfortable. God wants me to be always ready for change, always prepared. Well, you can bank on that as soon as I get comfortable in a particular area of my life, God comes in and shakes things up. Comfortable=numb. And numb is the farthest place He wants my heart to be. Anything but numb.

So, here I am once again. I guess God thinks I need some humbling. My heart is heavy and I find myself on my knees asking for His forgiveness in an area that I just can't seem to get a hold of. Just when I think my spiritual life is hunky dory and everything is peachy, this thorn keeps popping up. I can't seem to prune this thing. Probably because God is the ultimate "pruner" and I have a hard time letting Him at this one.

He wants control in this area, and I want desperately to give it to Him. Or do I? Why do we want to be somewhere where God doesn't want us to be?? Why can't I just realize that He wants better for me. If I can relinquish control to Him, I would be much better off. Uncomfortable.

The lyrics to a song keep coming into my head when I get uncomfortable with what God wants me to do.

"Sometimes my life just don't make sense at all...I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want, than to take what you give that I need."

These words bring me to tears. Why can't I just get out of my comfort zone and know that He wants better for me. I can't get myself out of the way. Insecurity creeps in, and I fall into the same predictable pattern.

I love my Lord. He knows me and knows these areas that are overgrown in my heart. He loves taking those hedge trimmers and going to town. It hurts, but oh the beauty afterwards!

Slowly, but surely, I will get there. Step by step, prayer by prayer...He will see to it.

Rich Mullins song "Hold Me Jesus":


Sometimes my life just don't make sense at all

When the mountain looks so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf

You have been King of my Glory
Won't you be my Prince of Peace

When I wake up in the night I feel the dark

It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf

You have been King of my Glory
Won't you be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want
Than to take what you give that I need

And I've beat my head against so many walls
I'm falling down, falling on my knees

God please
And the Salvation Army band is playing this hymn

And your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shakin' like a leaf
You have been King of my Glory

Won't you be my Prince of Peace

slowly surrendering,

Jill

4 comments:

Tracey said...

I had to go to you tube and listen to this song b/c I have never heard it. I think it hits home for me as well.
Thank you for this post.
tg

Sweet Inlow's said...

As I've said pretty much w/ every post...I love your heart and your openness to the Spirit. You truly inspire me. XOXO.

Jess said...

I love that song, and that line gets me every time, too. SO TRUE!

Anonymous said...

Blessed beyond measure having you for my daughter,if, I thanked God for the rest of my life, every second, it would never be enough to praise his Holy name for spending this life with you.