Sunday, May 22, 2011

Kickin' that bucket....

i asked mary and kelly to join me the Tuesday before the race that Saturday...and they DID. great friends, or what?!

Kelly, Vicky and Me after the race...we're pooped.

my running friends! i LOVE these women..they inspire me daily!
Since having my 2 beautiful children, my life has been about them. Every single waking day is wrapped up in their needs, their desires, their little every things. I love it. Nurturing is my game.

However, since turning the big 3-5 last year, things are slowly changing.

My life has meaning too. What? Yes, you heard me..I have a life outside of my 2 lovely children. As I write this, I am picturing Lem saying..."and what about me?" Yes, you too, darling. You are always on my mind and on my heart. That's a given too.

Something happened when I turned that big 2 digit odd number last January of 2010. I suddenly felt like my life still had a lot of purpose! God not only wants me to be a wife and a mommy, but He also puts other desires in my heart. He has equipped me this way.

Of course these desires should not ever take me away from Him or from my family. They are to make me stronger and better..a better me for my family.

Well, I decided to start a bucket list. You know...write down some things that I wanted to do before the end of my life. I haven't gotten very far with it, but I just marked my very first thing off the list.

I ran my FIRST 5 K last weekend!! Yes, that's right...I DID!! I cannot even begin to explain the thrill of crossing the finish line and seeing my Lem, my Joseph and my Presley cheering for me. It was exhilarating!!

It was so cool to see their faces...they were proud of me. They were proud of ME.

My children need to see me setting goals and achieving them. I want them to do the same throughout their lives. I want them to live passionately and with God-given purpose. It's the only way to live. It's easy to put yourself on the back burner and simmer on the lowest setting for a long time. Trust me, I know this because I have lived this..and still do a lot of the time.

This stove is getting hotter though. I liked the nervous feeling in my stomach before the race. I have missed that.

I feel stronger. I feel better. I feel good.

So, what's on your bucket list? If you don't have one...go make one. Let your kids see you accomplish something you love! You have a life too...a wonderful one.

still humming the Chariots of Fire song,


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Happily Famili-ed....

I love Mother's Day. Plain and simple. I get to honor the most loved and admired women around me. My Mom, my sister, My Mama Jane.

Saturday, my sister and I took my Mom to dinner at Filet at Lake Oconee and then to see "Water for Elephants". Good, good movie. Good, good actor. (Robert Pattinson). Need I say more?

Interjection--when reading the previous sentence, say the word "good" like this--"GuHd." Say it one more time and say it slower==-"GuuuHd."

Are you laughing? Well, you should be. My sister and I say it with and Indian accent and it's the funniest thing. It is to us anyway. Got it? Guhd.


Moving on.

Sunday morning I was awakened by the smell of my Presley's breath on my cheek. She is always the first to greet me on these special "Mommy" days. She loves spoiling me. 

She tells me not to get out of bed. She then runs into the den and yells for Lem to get up. (He slept on the couch.) Yes, our marriage is fine. He just prefers the couch on the weekend. Fine by me. I get to snuggle with Presley all by myslef in our big bed. Happiness.

Finally, I hear some rummaging around in the kitchen. 20 minutes later, I hear a  gentle knock on the door, and a big tray of breakfast is plopped in front of me.

Did I mention I love Mother's Day? My family knows how to spoil me. It's not that they cooked an elaborate was just oatmeal (my usual), toast with jam, coffee and orange juice. It wasn't about the food, it was about not having to get up and get everyone else fed before I even have a chance to wipe the sleep from my eyes. This is the harried way Sunday mornings usually play out at our abode.

This happy momma got to leisurely enjoy a breakfast all by herself.

 Just me and the T.V.

I didn't even know what was on T.V. on Sunday mornings. I usually don't even have a chance to glance it's way on a typical Sunday.

I have no idea what I watched. I was just soaking up the enjoyment of being able to sit in peace and think about my blessings.

If it weren't for the presents awaiting me in the other room, I would have stretched the time out another 30 minutes or so, at least.

My Joseph gave me an Ikea gift card. (that i had gotten for Christmas already.) Lem is teaching him the art of re-gifting early. Not sure if it counts when it is given to the same person again? I loved it anyway.

Presley had gotten me some things from her school store. My favorite gifts of all time have come from that little store. She gave me a key chain, magnets, and a precious book mark. (which now resides in my bible.) Along with that came an old checkbook of my Mom's, an old make-up bag I had let her play with, and some things from a goody bag that she had received the day before at a birthday party.

 She loves to give, that girl. Even when it comes from her very own playroom. My darlin'.

Lem gave me some new tennis shoes that I had requested. He also gave me some $$ for an upcoming girls trip. Yippee!

We went to church and came back home to my house for lunch with my Mom and Dad and my sister's family. Good food, good fun. Good country living. (surely that line is in a country song somewhere.)

For dinner, we met Mama Jane and Lem's sister and brother and families for dinner at Las Flores. Yum. Kids playing, adults talking and laughing. A wonderful evening on that beautiful lit-up porch in Old Town Conyers.

A perfect day.

God loves me. He really must. I am surrounded by the best family. They know how to take care of me and make me feel so special.

I hope that I always make them feel the same way. I love them to the moon and back.

Definitely far from perfect, but they are perfectly mine.

happy to be here,

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Butterfly Kisses.....

My Momma always told me that my kids will break my heart one day.

Never, I thought. My kids adore me, they are my best friends and another extension of my body. Like my fingers and my toes, they are with me. Always. They prefer me over anyone.

Well, once again....Momma is always right.

I still have complete loyalty from my Presley. She wakes up singing my name, and goes to sleep singing my name and caressing my face. She's mine. All mine.

Then there's my heart melting 9 year old, Joseph.

My little world turned upside down Thursday night. I realized I was smothering him. Momma's oohing and ahhing over his every move is not what he needs anymore. He needs space.

He needs his Daddy.

Not only does he need his Daddy, but he prefers his Dad.

Love really is blind, I suppose. This has been coming on for the last year or so. I have just chosen to bury my head in that proverbial sand box. Only coming up from air when absolutely necessary.

It started with a simple and fun game of family kick ball. Laughter and competition and a lot of fun for a school night.

As we were bidding adieu to the Mayzurk family, our competitors, Lem started laughing hysterically.

He then tells us that Joseph was kicking at the basketball goal and fell straight on his back in the grass. Joseph must have quickly hopped up, because he was standing by the time we looked over.

Joseph was laughing, and Lem was still teasing him. (not okay with me, but that's another story. )

A couple of minutes later, Joseph is nowhere to be found. Finally, I find him behind Lem's truck crying.

I rush over to him ready to console him and nurse him back to happiness.

Joseph wanted none of this. He wanted to be left alone, and was even more upset that I was trying to console him.

We then go inside and I try to talk to him in his room. I am lying next to him in his bed, trying to talk to him about what had transpired.

I was met with tears and defiance. He was mad that he was crying, and even more upset that I was seeing him cry.


I don't understand. They are so foreign to me sometimes.

But, Joseph isn't like any other boy. I can read him like the back of my hand because he is so much like me. Or at least he used to be.

Now, he is full-on boy.

The conversation that I tried to pursue was nothing short of a train wreck. I may as well have dug a hole and buried myself in it right then and there.

I finally gave up and went to shower. In my head a good hot shower would wash all this away and everything would be back to the way it was. Not likely.

The next morning I was still so upset. I woke up even earlier than usual to read my beloved, "To Train up a Child" book. I have studied, taken notes and revered this book for the last 3 or 4 years. I often go to it for help and guidance when I am at a loss. It's biblically based and full of wisdom.

I prayed for His wisdom, for His guidance. Over and over in my prayer, I repeated..."This is SO hard!!"

My eyes full of tears and my heart desperate, I felt the Lord fill me with peace. I knew what I needed to do.

I had to back down. Joseph needs space. He needs room to be upset without my coddling and caressing. He doesn't need me to make him "talk" about his feelings every single incident. This only further complicates things for him, because he feels like a wimp for crying. And even more so for me seeing him cry. Ughh.

Yes, complicated to say the least.

This will not be easy. I will have to have God's strength and power to go against the grain of my momma-bear instinct.

As I type this, I am reminded of a story I once read about a little boy. He was walking along and saw a chrysalis on a branch. He watched it for a moment as he discovered a butterfly was struggling to break through. He felt sorry for the butterfly, so he grabbed his little pocket knife and and cut open the chrysalis to help the butterfly avoid the struggle. He held the butterfly in his hand as it tried to flap his small wings. The butterfly couldn't flap his wings, they were too weak.

When the challenge to emerge from the the chrysalis was removed, the butterfly's opportunity to strengthen his wings was denied.

The butterfly quickly died. It needed to struggle in order to soar.

Joseph needs to struggle and get strong on his own. I can't make everything easy and comfortable for him. He won't grow to be the man that God has designed him to be.

I will still be here, looking on from afar. Being right at his side when he requests. However, until then, I must play my role. His mother. Not his hero.

This passage from my book, "To train up a child" spoke to my heart and reassured my place:

"Your reactions are not going to make life any less unfair for your child, but there is a danger of stirring up a feel-sorry-for-myself attitude in him. If you are tough, he will be tough. If you are joyful, he will be joyful."

Tough it is.

I will put my best foot forward and play the role that God has designed for me in his life. Life is about growing and learning and then growing and learning some more. It always hurts. It always will, I suppose.

True Love puts others needs in front of your own. True love is being so concerned over the condition of another that you put your own feelings aside. Wanting the absolute best for someone, even if it goes against what your heart desires.

Love may hurt, but it is worth every heart break. Every single tear that I cry.

The gift of motherhood is not to be taken lightly. Like any other precious gem, it must be cared for and protected.  It may get a few dings and scratches, but it will never lose it's value. Priceless.

growing up is hard,


Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Her Story....

Easter morning was like any other Easter morning for our family. We awoke to find the Easter Bunny had left some goodies, we put on our Sunday best, and we headed to church. After church we made our annual voyage to Momma Jane's house for Easter lunch.

As we are leisurely driving to Conyers anticipating our delicious lunch, Presley says something from the back seat.

Presley: "Mommy and Daddy, I have something important to say. Can you please turn down the radio?"

Me: "Sure, darling. (i then turn radio off)...Go ahead, what is it, angel. What did you want to tell us?"

I'm thinking she is about to tell us what she learned at church or even more true to life...tell us something Joseph was doing to aggravate her in the backseat.

Presley: " I want to ask Jesus to come and live in my heart right now. I never want to be separated from Jesus. Ever. I love Him with all of my heart and I want Him to always be with me. "

I looked over at Lem with my eyes brimming over with tears. I didn't even have time to say anything before she announced that she wanted to pray right that very second to ask Jesus to live in her heart.

She began praying  the sweetest, most mature, and most heart warming prayer to her Father in Heaven. She repeated again to Him that she never ever wanted to be separated from Him and His love. She said that she wanted to be in Heaven with Him forever. I have never in my life heard that child speak with such conviction and forthrightness.

After she said her prayer, we all told her how wonderful it was that she accepted Jesus as her Savior on Easter Sunday. The very day that He rose from the dead. What a very special day for her anniversary. The anniversary of her life with Jesus Christ.

A few minutes later, she looked around the car and said:

"We are a true Christian family. All together. Forever and Ever."

I will never be able to express enough gratitude to my Lord for this gift. The gift of knowing that my children are believers of Jesus Christ. Believers of the one and only God. It is the only thing in my life that I want to be sure of for them. Nothing else matters. Nothing else compares.

This momma's heart is over flowing with thankfulness, gratitude and love for my Savior. He has hand picked my children to be His very own.

He loves them even more than me. How can it be?

I don't know, but it's true.

 p.s....Joseph's story is here. Click on the word "here" and see. He accepted Christ in a very similar fashion...both in the CAR. Ha! Our crazy-on-the-go life. Wouldn't have it any other way.

a heart at peace,